What weighs 99 lbs. and has dozens of heads???

In the words of Samuel L. Jackson "These motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking train" Ok it was a plane in the movie, but this is reality...what's up with trying to smuggle dozens of cobras in see-through bags?  It never occured to this smuggler to put them in bamboo baskets like most snake charmers do?  C'mon snake smuggler, be a professional for once...

What a "shocker"...

Alright Dana Cobb, nice try.  You had a nice run.  Twelve years!  Now don't go giving us this bullshit sob story about not knowing what the "shocker" is.  And you did this in honor of your two daughters.  It's obvious.  Anyone with a porn actress name automatically knows the shocker.  You know it.  I know it. And all the Totally Useless Timewasters know it.  ♫♪ Two in the pink, one in the stink.  That's called the shocker.  You can do it in the bathroom or do it in your car or do it in the alley right behind the bar.♫♪  (Awesome Steel Panther song)...

Exorcism class...yeah, I'm there...

So, there's going to be an Exorcism class in San Angelo on June 20. I don't think I could come up with a more fun way to spend a Monday evening. I wonder if it will consist of some class participation? If so, I'm totally volunteering to be the Exorcist and not the Exorcised. I've tried that spinning the head around trick and the shoving of the cross up places it shouldn't go while screaming "You're mother eats kitty litter!" at whomever may be in the room. It's painful! Don't want to have to go through that again. They should think about having this class every Monday night until the NFL gets their shit together and we have Monday Night Football again...

The next time your luggage doesn't arrive at the airport on time, you'll probably be thinking of this video...

deer vs motorcycle

Now this is how you run over a deer! Anybody can climb into a Ford F-150, cruise down the backroads and take out Bambi! This takes dedication...

Does this look like the face of a guy who gradually flashed his junk to a chick at the drive thru window because they were out of chicken legs?

So this chick watches as the aptly named Jason Gross, "gradually" exposed himself to her!  It didn't come to mind that you could look away or walk away?  Rule number one at Bojangles chicken restaurant should be "Make sure we have chicken".  Just sayin'.  If you ain't got chicken legs, what do you expect the Jason Gross's of this world to do?  Of course your gonna get his chicken dick flashed at you.  Its up to you whether or not you want to check it out.  Shame on you Jaqueline Green!  You intentionally screwed this guy twice and not in the happy, fun way.  Fucked him out of his drumstick and then called the law on him!?!  FREE JASON GROSS!!  FREE JASON GROSS!!!

Kid for sale on Ebay...

Now what kind of person tries to sell you a two year old girl on Ebay?  Hell, they aint big enough to open the fridge and get you a beer off the top shelf until they are at least 6 or 7, right?  Just a serious waste of everyone's time that happened to be on Ebay looking to buy a beer grabbing, channel changing, shirt ironing, floor vacuuming, furniture dusting, grass mowing little slave kid. Now, this chick is going to have to pay all of the Ebay fees for a  product she couldn't even sell.  Hope she didn't set a reserve price and add extra photos...