Totally Useless Time Waste...: January 2011

GREENWOOD – Authorities said a man who was caught having sex with show hogs will have his case presented to the Leflore County Grand Jury next month. Andrew Lee Nash, 52, was arrested on Dec. 3, 2010 after police set up surveillance cameras in the owner’s stalls near U.S. Highway 82 and the Yazoo River. Greenwood Police Chief Henry Purnell said the hogs were examined by a local veterinarian, during a routine examination, and the owner was told that four of the hogs had a vaginal infection. “The owner of the animals knew someone was messing with his animals,” said Chief Investigator Huntley Nevels. “And the veterinarian confirmed the sexual assault. So, the owner contacted police and the officers staked it out and caught him out there.”

Ok, ya gotta ask…did these show hogs ask for this? I mean we’ve all been to the stock show before. We’ve seen how these pigs strut around all groomed, wearing bows , flashing those tightly wound tails, right? Well, I think not this time. We’re talking about 4 hogs with vaginal infections. If it were just one, then maybe. But to believe that all four of these pigs were sluts? Not likely. Chicks talk. Word gets out in these pig pens. This jackass was straight up raping these hogs! And now the Greenwood P.D. is in control of some piggy porn. Chief Purnell…please destroy these before they hit YouTube…

Monday, January 24, 2011

2nd Grade Teacher Put On Leave After Kid Gets A Blow Job In His Classroom...Wait, What!?!

OAKLAND – A second-grade teacher has been placed on administrative leave amid an investigation into a report that two of his students engaged in oral sex during class and that, on a separate occasion, some children took off some of their clothing and were clowning around. The incidents happened last week at Markham Elementary School, but they only came to the principal’s attention Wednesday, after one of the students told a staff member what had happened, Oakland school district spokesman Troy Flint said. The teacher was present at the time, but says he was unaware of any such incident, Flint said. “We are striving to create schools as safe havens where students can feel secure and trust in adult guidance,” he added. “Obviously, that trust was violated in this incident, which was unacceptable. We’re going to get to the bottom of this and make sure there’s no recurrence. ”

What the hell is going on at Markham Elementary School? In 2nd grade I was upgrading to glue from paste. Thought I was the shit! Other kids with their little paste sticks and me squeezing the Elmers out like a champ. Didn't even know how to get a hard on, much less that it could be placed in a chicks mouth! I guess the training manual for 2nd grade teachers in Oakland is about to be updated: After recess keep the little skanks away from the young studs. You know they're just impressing the shit out of them on the monkey bars...

Card carrying member of the I D ten T club...

JesusHatesObama ad rejected for the Super Bowl

I think the JesusHatesObama.com commercial that was rejected by Fox for the Super Bowl was submitted knowing it would be rejected and thereby getting it publicity. Like I guess I just did.

Just another day cruisin' down Highway 401...

BAM!!!

Truer words were never spoken...

BrideFry's Valentines Day Gift...

Well it looks like I’m all set with my Valentine’s Day shopping this year. One set of custom made Four Loko earrings coming up. I don’t even care that only college girls would want these and I’m sure BrideFry will hate them. It’s not always all about her. Like I want people see these earrings and be like who bought you those? I did. That’s who!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

I would be a combo: fetus soldier...

Wash your hands...

Governor Perry...

So why is Texas the greatest state in the nation you may ask? Because as soon as our governor gets sworn in, what does he do? He goes to Las Vegas to hang out with Ted "The Nuge" Nugent and hot chicks!!! Hellz Yeah!!! Rock on Rick...I might just go buy your book now...

Edit: Ok, one hot chick and one chick that I'm sure has a great personality...

Unfortunate font...

Capitalism...

The Face Of Idiocracy...

Fox – A restaurant cook in southern New Jersey was sentenced to 15 days in jail and two years of probation for sprinkling a police officer’s breakfast sandwich with pubic and chest hairs, the Courier-Post reported Thursday. Ryan Burke, 27, was working as a line cook at Good Foods to Go in Marlton last February when the Evesham Police Department officer, who had once stopped the cook for a traffic violation, placed his breakfast order. The officer consumed part of the turkey, egg and cheese bagel sandwich before realizing it was laced with body hair. Police then confiscated the sandwich and sent it to the state police lab for analysis.The DNA in the hairs was determined to be a match for a swab taken from Burke, who was fired from the restaurant and arrested. Police said Burke confessed to the crime, which he said he committed because of ill will toward the officer, the Courier-Post reported.

Amateur hour or sneaky smart? The school of common sense says spit in the sandwich, right? Or even hock a loogie. I mean it had cheese on it. As long as it wasn’t one of those green loogies it should be properly camouflaged. But not Ryan Burke! Not only does he lace it with pubes, he throw in some chest hairs for good measure, breaking the “one accidental pube in the turkey, egg and cheese bagel sandwich” law. Which can be beat in any court of law with the ol’ “was busy and didn’t have time to wash after peeing defense”. Amatuer? I think not. The dude wanted to get caught. The booking photo smirk tells the truth. The whole truth. And nothin’ but the truth…

Friday, January 21, 2011

Monday, January 31, 2011

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Friday, January 28, 2011

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Monday, January 24, 2011

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Friday, January 21, 2011