Ethan Fry QB/RB Cedar Park 2013

This is my nephew listed as a QB/RB but as you will see he kicks, and he returns kicks. The very first highlite is against State Champions Lake Travis in the quarterfinals. Bear in mind he was a sophomore when he was punishing those guys. Can't wait to see what he accomplishes in the next two years...

Does this look like the face of a mother arrested for child abuse when her two year old ate her marijuana laced cookies?

What happens when your 2 year old gets into the freezer the have a snort of your strawberry flavored vodka, drinks it, gets the munchies, breaks the bottle and eats your "special cookies"?  Well he gets the munchies again and you go directly to jail.  Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200.  You gotta learn to keep them cookies hidden behind the frozen brussel sprouts or squash or something that those little farts stay far away from.  Not that delicious strawberry flavored vodka.  C'mon Denitra, be a professional drug addict for once...

Fiverr...

This is just the right site for all of you out-of-work ninjas out there.  Of course that is if you don't mind ninjaing for five bucks...

Last in line for the throne...

So we all know that Prince Charles is next in line for the throne.  Ever wonder who is last?  Well if 4972 people were to die, Karin Vogel would sport the crown jewels. 

Hot ad chicks...

Ever watched a commercial and wondered who the hot chick is in it?  Well with this web site, you may just find your answer...

Good idea...bad execution...

If you ever get pulled over by the cops and decide to call in a fake shooting to get out of it, make sure you have a "throw down" phone that can't be traced back to you...

Thank you EA Sports...

And the Madden Curse this year goes to....wait for it....Peyton Hillis!  Thank you EA sports for not putting any Dallas Cowboys on the cover.  The Cowboys got to much shit to figure out without having to worry about The Madden Curse Injury situation.  Not sure exactly why they went with Hillis though.  And don't care.  Just need to remember not to pick him up on my fantasy team.  Do I sound confident that there will be a season?  Maybe I should tap the brakes on this whole blog entry...

Note to Buckingham Palace guards...not a good idea to call Kate Middleton a "stuck up cow"

This is why I never post work related stuff on my Facebook page.  You call the future queen a "stuck up cow" and a "posh bitch" just one time on your wall and you get banned from the wedding.  On a positive note...Hey, all you guys that hate going to weddings, call the bride a stuck up cow and/or a posh bitch!  It's a one way ticket to Aintgottagototheweddingville baby!

A guys guide to the Royal Wedding...

Alright fellas, I know your all starting to get a little giddy about Prince William and Kate's upcoming nuptials.  Here is a guide to help you make it through Friday morning when the little lady drags your ass out of bed a 3 am...

God Bless The First Amendment...

Tired of your wife checking out your browser history.  Finding all the midget asian porn you thought was just between you and the closet door.  Well fret no more my friends.  Just go to the library.  At least if you live in New York.  Thats right.  The city of New York has deemed it a First Amendment Right to peddle smut on their computers!  Of course, you may just want to check out the porn sites for the articles...

Pop test...

Pop test:    Did this guy

a) just get arrested for the 48th time for huffing paint, or
b) just do some unspeakable things to the Tin Man...

Here's an eye catching headline...yikes!!!

Nearly 500 Tiliban prisoners escape in Afghanistan.

Teen tries to feed shark...feeds him more than he anticipated...

Stupid shark!  Rule number one in the animal kingdom is don't bite the hand that feeds you, right?  This dumbass shark must not have went to school that day.  Just learned about Darwinism. "Survival of the fittest" and thought "thats all I need to get me through life."  Next thing you know there's some innocent teenager trying to do the sensible thing and hand feed you some fresh fish and what do you do?  Break rule number 1...

53 year old man arrested for committing a "solo sex act" on a school bus full of kids while he was posing as a student...

WTF!?!  Where to begin? So, you throw a backpack on and get on the bus?  The dude was 53!  Thats all it take to look like kid again.  Dude just found the proverbial Fountain of Youth...a backpack.    Maybe that should be the headline here.  Anywhoo, the bus driver didn't get suspicious until "Merv the Perv" left the bus!   Where was this heightened sense of alertness when this guy was staring down kids and jacking his junk?  I know, I know, you're going to tell me that driving s a full time job and you gotta keep your eyes on the road.  I call bullshit.  I was once a heathen on a school bus.  Shooting spit wads at the pretty girls, acting rowdy, using my outdoor voice.  I know that school bus driving is a part time gig.  Part time watching the road, part time watching 53 year old pervert jacking off in the back seat...

p.s. arrested on a "gross misdemeanor"...you can't make that shit up.

ATTENTION LADIES: Please watch Shakira and learn how to be a sports fan!!!

This, ladies, is how you act like a sports fan. Not sitting lower level on the 20 yard line, sipping on your sasparilla while talking to your friend about last nights Bunko game (which us men know is a myth. Y'all just get together and drink wine. Bring home a trinket and say you won a door prize.) But I digress. This is sports passion. A sport fan, which is short fanatic, right. Thank you Shakira for acting like a professional and being an awesome role model for female sports fans everywhere...

Father blames two year old for shooting mother...

So just close are the bars in baby jail?  I'm thinking most two year olds will just sneak right between your average jail cell bars.  Thats gotta be whats about to happen here right?  I mean dad is kicking back at the apartment now drinking a cold one, playing Wheel of Fortune while junior's wasting away behind bars.  I wonder if the cops in my hometown are gullible as these Florida cops.  I'm thinking if BrideFry starts acting up, CatFry might lock and load...

Does this look like the face of a chick who would smuggle drugs into jail up a baby's ass?

Why smuggle drugs into jail for your boyfriend up your own ass when you can just as easily use a baby's ass?  Read more about this low-life degenerate here...

Somewhere in Tupelo theres a high school catcher looking for Ashton Kutcher because HE GOT PUNKED!!!

I meant to post this yesterday...The story behind "420"

Here is how the term "420" started.  I have heard many things.  This finally lets us know...

Dallas Cowboys 2011 Schedule...

Here's the Cowboys schedule if they play.  They will play the Jets in New York on the tenth anniversary of 9/11 if they lockout is lifted...

Man arrested after forgetting which topless bar he was banned from...

So, a guy walks into a bar...and gets arrested.  Why?  Because he had a criminal trespass complaint against him from the last time he there and he forgot which bar he was banned from!?!  Thats why I'm glad I'm a small town blogger.  Only one tit flop club in this town.  When I get banned for making it rain pennies (because thats all small town bloggers can afford), no way I can forget which one it is.  One less night I have to spend in jail...

Viagra laced beer? Um, yes, please...

How 'bout those crazy Brits!  Just taking two of Gods greatest creations and combining the fuck out of them (pun not intended...but totally put in the right place).  Think about the big picture though.  You drink a few of these and you got to land the deal quick.  Not one of these chicks that I buy drinks for every Saturday night.  Just sucking down margaritas and doing kamikaze shots on my dime all night, then going home to fuck a good looking guy.  Anyways, I digress.  Back to the "boner beer"...If you do drink this and get the chick, then you gotta walk out of the bar with a raging chub.  That may be some un-needed attention in her eyes.  If you don't land the deal quick, then you better not wasted on this stuff.  Your buddies that you're out with are 200% of the time leaving you there, passed out at the bar with your empty bottle and your hard on...

slicing up the baby head cake?...Um, yes please!!!

Credit: Robin

Damn Burger thievin' Tornado!!!

Frickin' tornadoes!!! First they steal little girls from their beds and take them to far away lands with witches and flying monkeys. Then, they fuck up all of Bill Paxton's tornado data gathering machines while tossing cows in front of his truck. Now they are stealing hamburgers!!! This shit stops now!

Chick gets hit by a train, survives...

So how about this slumdog millionairess! Just strolling down the tracks, minding her own business and this heathen of a train engineer just takes her ass out like he owns the damn tracks! Well you gotta hit this chick with a lot more than just a speeding train to take her out! Just gets back up, wipes the dirt off and starts speaking some gibberish that I'm sure translated into "I'm on my way to the bank to open up a new account because I'm about to be the proud new owner of a train. Thank you. Come again." I'm sure an american train would be her Kryptonite. These piece of crap Indian trains need to get a badly needed upgrade. Can't even take out an 18 year old chick...pfft...

GET ME THIS TICKLISH PENGUIN!!!

16 year old to 34 yr old lover: "My I ax you something?"

A 16-year-old boy appeared in Quebec court last week accused of hitting his 34-year-old lover more than a dozen times with an axe.  Wait.  What?  Wow, where do I start?  First I guess, c'mon dude, you're banging a 34 year old!  And you're 16!  But, from the way the story reads, thats just the way shit rolls in Quebec.  I would normally be talking what a stud your Boy Scout Troop must think you are.  Boinking a 34 year old and earning camping badge all at the same time with your axe.  Bingo Bango!  Thats how the story would've started if this happened in the lower 48 but not with you crazy Cannucks!  I guessing she may go the complete opposite direction next time she dates.  Probably date some octogenarian who can't pick up an axe without throwing his back out...

Ah, the old double fake reverse prank inside a prank routine, eh...

Yikes!!! Turkish dude gets steamrolled by a garage and lives!!!

Link

People Magazine names J-Lo "World's Most Beautiful Woman"???

Really People Magazine!?!  Do you not read my blog?  Go back a week or so ago and watch Kate Upton do the "Dougie".  It will make you throw rocks at J-Lo.  But don't look at her Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition pics.  You may not be able to handle it...Alright Time Wasters...Pictures don't lie...you decide...

GET ME THIS TRICK SHOT MAKING DOCTOR!!!

A few weeks ago, I gave you the trick shot long snapper.  We've all seen trick shot basketball videos.  But this, my friends is real world talent!  This guy could be my doctor anyday.  Just throwing syringes from across the room, landing right where its supposed to (ass or arm).  I am a little worried about how he would check for a hernia though...

Anybody got a toothpick I can borrow?

Holy shit!!! Last week I give you a guy with a knife sticking out of his head, this week I give you a guy with a tree in his grill! This is exactly why I'm a blogger and not some daredevil dirt biker...

Sariah Gallego Joins the Dark Side (Star Wars)

Just another example of how chicks dig bad guys. Yeah, she's probably 7 or 8 but still, bowing down to Lord Vader! Nice guys always finish last. I'll never understand the woman mind set...

Teen busted for taking pics of chicks asses at Wal Mart....

Really Cody Cobble!?! Butt pics at Wal Mart!?!  Not Victorias Secret!?!  Not Saks 5th Avenue or Macy's!?!  You may just have to lose your Voyuer Membership Card!  You sir are a disgrace to perverts everywhere.  Smut peddlers across the nation turn their backs on you today.  You are shunned!

Good news...Bad news...

The bad news is that 3.5 million Texans had their social security numbers, birthdates and drivers license numbers published on the internet.  The good nws is that it was only for a year...

Ding dong dash...

This guy put the ding dong in ding dong dash...

Cat and Dolphins playing together

Some cat/dolphin cuteness for ya...

GET ME THIS PUSH-CAKE!!!

A cross between your classic push up ice cream and your classic cake...um yes please...

Classics...

1. I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
2. Dyslexic man walks into a bra
3. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
4. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
5. There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
6. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
7. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
8. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
9. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
10. I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
11. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

We're Back! - Album Version

Applebee's serves alcohol to 15 month old toddler...

So now I know how to get free alcohol at Applebee's.  Just act like a noisy brat.  You know thats why this kid got juiced up.  Just getting all loud and shit, throwing food at passers by, acting stupid.  Waitress gets pissed off, fills up the sippy cup with margaritas.  Brat goes to sleep and to the hospital.  Pfft, I can do that and hold my liquor better.  Gonna take alot more than one margarita to send me to the E.R...

Chicks with Steve Buscemi's eyes...

Chicks with Steve Buscemi's eyes are just plain sexy...  Just look at Rihanna Buscemeyes...

50 dogs at 50 MPH...

50 dogs at 50 MPH...

Worst. Job. Ever.

What do you think something like this pays? 3 rupees an hour and all the anti-venom you can drink?

Drinking causes cancer?

Drinking alcohol causes cancer!?!  NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

bread tags...

wonder which loaf you should grab?   here ya go...

knifehead

Now, I don't speak Portuguese or whatever language it is that this is speaking but I gotta wonder what the hell he is saying. I've been more excited ordering a pizza before! C'mon dude, you have a fucking knife in your head! Act like it!

Fight For Your Right - Revisited

Celebrity cameos in this:
Elijah Wood, Will Ferrell, Ad-Rock, Danny McBride, John C. Reilly, Seth Rogen, Jack Black, Susan Sarandon, Stanley Tucci, Orlando Bloom, Kirsten Dunst, David Cross, Will Arnett, Amy Poehler, Jason Schwartzman, Adam Scott, Rainn Wilson, Steve Buscemi, Chloë Sevigny, Alicia Silverstone, Martin Starr, Ted Danson, Rashida Jones, Mike Mills. Plus, the real Ad-Rock, Mike D, and MCA

New "relaxation brownies"...um yeah right...

Relaxtion brownies now for sale in convenience stores but not for kids or pregnant women...hmm, I wonder why...

Get me this cute polar bear!!!

Get me this cute polar bear...NOT!!!

Jackass convicted of giving his 3 year old son a tattoo...

So, if your going to give your toddler a "jailhouse" tat, do it in Georgia.  Apparently you just get a year's proibation and a few hundred bucks in fines.  Not bad for permenantly marring kids skin.  I would do it to my kid but he's older than three, lives in Texas and would probably kick my ass...

Best "Dear Jane" letter ever?

Could this be the best Stay-out-of-my-life-you-nasty-skank letter ever written and was it really written in1875?  This dude is straight up pimp, having laid wood to 50 19th century ho's by his own count.  You just got to wonder what Ellen Freeman looked like.  Where the hell was Google Images in 1875 DAMMIT?

Christopher Walken tries to kidnap chick...psych!

New Jersey woman harrassed and resisted being lured into Christopher Walken's car.  I mean Adolf Hitler's car.  I mean...wait! what?  Who is this creepy dude?

Man gets butt glued to toilet at Wal Mart...

If I said it once, I've said it a million times: If you're a co-anchor on a news program, your going to get April Fools pranked into licking an iPad and if you sit on a toilet at Wal Mart on April Fools Day, your going to get your ass super glued to the lid.  Its just common sense right?  C'mon dude, be an April Fools Day Wal Mart shitting professional for once!

Help Me! I Can't Shut My Mouth! - Bizarre ER - BBC Three

So whats the big deal here? Chick can't shut her mouth? Hell, half the chicks I know have that problem! Yak Yak yak, nag nag nag. Mouth never shuts...Oh, her jaw is locked open! My bad...

Finally, Miley!!!

Alright fellas (and/or ladies in you're into this kinda thing), better get your Miley Blow Up Sex Doll With Three Achey Holes quick!  She's bound to be putting a stop to the sale of these things in a hurry.  But then again, maybe not.  Any publicity is good publicity, right?

Funny April Fools Day Prank...

Funny prank, aired on TV which adds a degree of funny...

Could this be the first portrait of Jesus?



Read about it here...

Kate Upton Doing The Dougie

Kate Upton is busy making me a Dougie fan...

Move over Tiger. There's a new golf sheriff in town

Kid hits cart 4 times in a row...

Slutwalk...Toronto

Well who knew that so many sluts were in Canada? I'm thinking I may need to keep my passport hidden from BrideFry. There may an unusual amount of Canada stamps on it soon...

Wait for it...Wait for it....

YIKES!!!

Home strikes back!!!

Who needs the gym? Pfft!

German teens soaking tampons in vodka to get drunk...

As Bigweld (from Robots for those of you that don't have kids and don't watch awesome animated flicks) said..."Find a need, fill a need".  Those crazy german kids found a way to get drunk and pass a B.A.  And it aint just the chicks.  The girls get a vajayjay drunk, the dudes get an anal drunk!  When I was in high school, I walked 5 miles a day to get there, uphill both ways, beating bears back with my books.  And I also got drunk, drinking vodka in the parking lot before second period Mr. Wells Art class.  German kids today got it too easy...

Drunk jackass poses with live baby shark. What could possibly go wrong?

Wow! I never saw that coming...