Hurricane Irene shark in the street.

I hope this Hurricane Irene Street Shark doesn't have a friggin' laser attached to it's head!!!

Where was this dodgeball court when I was in Jr. High?

Somebody get me this Personal Beer Trainer!!!

GET ME THIS TRAINED ATTACK BEAR!!!

How do you think Warren Jeffs spends his days behind bars???

How do you think Warren Jeffs is spending his time in prison?
a. Reading his Bible.
b. Writing to pen pals.
c. Jacking off fifteen times a day.

If you guessed "c" you know your perverted FLDS convicts!

EL DORADO, Texas — Warren Jeffs has been keeping busy in jail.

According to one of his former jailers, the convicted child rapist masturbated more or less continuously while in custody. Rick Bradley, a guard at the county jail where Jeffs was kept in the weeks prior to his trial, told The Daily that the 55-year-old seemed to be suffering from sexual withdrawal and pleasured himself “a lot.” What does that mean, exactly — five times a day? More, Bradley said.

Fifteen times? “Sometimes more than that,” he told The Daily.

The guard said that the prisoner — who was not permitted conjugal visits — often played solo in full view of his guards. “We could see him,” Bradley said.

When his trial began late last month, Jeffs was transferred to a facility in the nearby town of San Angelo.

The lurid details of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints leader’s predatory sexual practices were revealed in his trial, which ended in a conviction and a sentence of life plus 20 years. Jeffs had dozens of under-aged wives whom he trained to meet his sexual needs. He also raped a 5-year-old boy, according to court testimony.

But he preached a hard line against masturbation.

One of Jeffs’ former students, Ezra Draper, testified that the cult leader told him that God was “offended” by masturbation.

Jeffs maintained his vigorous onanistic pace despite eating barely “enough to stay alive,” said Bradley. The self-proclaimed messiah rejected the jail’s standard meals, choosing to consume only small quantities of bread, water, and peanut-butter crackers.

Is this batting practice video bullshit? Feedback please...

Don't have any Wrecking Balm? Can't afford laser tat removal? Well how about trying Redneck Tattoo Removal...

Remind me to never piss this guy off...I'm pretty sure he would have me spittin' chicklets in no time...one tough S.O.B...

Ladies, Start your ovens! Because you got no right calling yourselves X Game athletes...

Ba ha ha...funniest shit I've seen in awhile! I dare you not to watch these Moto Chicks and laugh out loud 10 times out of 10...

Taco, from The League came out with another video...more comedy gold...

What do you want to dress up as this Halloween? How about Casey Anthony!!! Less than $200 if you bid now on eBay...

Casey Anthony mask?  Um, yes please!!!

Pastor goes all Ricky Bobby with his Pre-race NASCAR blessing...

Worst. Ninja. Ever...

Sux to be this ninja.

story here...

Want to watch a couple fucking in a mini-van while driving down the highway? Better watch quick before youtube pulls the plug on this one....

I'm about to make you throw rocks a Bob Vila...

You want to know how to change a tire, build a beer bong, replace a kitchen faucet? Or how re-string a guitar, or most importantly, how to unshrink clothes? Well my Totally Useless Timewasters...I give to you http://www.eyehandy.com/. No doubt, the best "how to" videos on the interweb...You're welcome...

This guy knows how to interview porn stars! Funny stuff!!!

Red Corner or Blue Corner? Who ya got?

"My Vagina Aint Handicapped" chick's follow up hit!!!

"how's my clit taste?" Bahahaha This chick is pure gold! Spittin' disses left and right! Do not piss this chick off or there will be a video out about you next...

Finger size can let a chick know your penis size???

Well this is some distressing news.  This study is saying that if your ring finger and index finger are similar in length then your packing some serious penile heat.  Once chicks get a hold of this information they're going to see my perfect hands and assume I have an above average tonsil tickler.  How am I going to act when I get them down here in the basement and they see I aint got no bragging rights.  Just plain embarassing...

Nice ukulele cover of Iz' version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow

This dude does a nice cover of Somewhere Over The Rainbow...nice voice...

SoBe Staring Contest with Kate Upton

Kate Upton...hottest chick on the planet. No other reason for this post.

This is one pissed off old man...just because Casey Anthony was found Not Guilty...

The way my Facebook page blew up yesterday after the verdict was read, I would say this is pretty much the consensus of most people I know...Bunch of haters! I got your back Casey! Last week you were a low life child killer. Today, things are different. You are not guilty! You are the new comeback kid. First was Mike Vick, then Plaxico Burress, now you my lovely Casey...stay sweet...

Happy Birthday America!!!

Dude sexually assaults an unconcious woman and thinks its okay because he thought she was dead. Wait! What?

So this guy is completely innocent, right?  I mean, banging a dead chick may be disgusting but its not rape is it?  I really don't think she is going to mind much if she's dead.  But this chick is laying there acting all dead and shit.  What's this  degenerate supposed to think?  I mean I've always heard there's only two kinds of pussy...good and better.  This guy must have factored dead into that equation too.  I personally never thought that far ahead.  This guy is inside the box yet thinking outside the box.  Get me on his jury!!!

What's the old saying? You mess with the bull, you get what?

The bullring in Granada on Sunday briefly lived dramatic when Sergio Vegas was hit by the chest by a bull at the starting point of resin. The rejoneador dismounted to go for the kill on foot and was caught in the second game. Vegas was taken to the hospital with heavy bleeding and there was performed an emergency cure before being taken to hospital Ruiz de Alda of the Andalusian city. The medical report issued by the medical team of the square read: “Injury hemithorax with upward trajectory that crosses the upper and middle lobe and produces a large hemorrhage. Grave prognosis. ” “We could have been talking about a fatal goring. Fortune has been that there was upward trajectory rather than across. Fortunately it has had to regret anything,” the doctor assured mundotoro Sanchez Ortiz.

Damn bull!  How many times I gotta tell you?  Use cross trajectory, not upward!  Damn!  You want to end up on the plate of one of these toreador bitches who stack the deck against you?  Now this guy's gonna be able to come back and murder some more of your bull buddies.  Be a professional toreador gorer for once!

Question: Is this story bullshit?

I'd kind of like to read some of your comments on is one.  They are saying this chick was dead at the bottom of this pool for three days with nobody noticing her!?!  People just swimming and splashing and having a good ol' time with a dead chick at the bottom of the pool!  I've seen some cloudy pools but damn...I think I would be able to make out the silhouette of a dead person at the bottom.  And what about the 9 year old kid?  How did he get home?  Why didn't he say anything to anyone?  Very confusing, but this is a legit site that I got this from not like most of my bullshit...

Chris Hansen caught cheating on his wife. How was he caught? Hidden camera...Bahahaha!!!

Helluva way to get caught!  He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword, right?  Just seems like Karma caught up with this dude.  I aint hatin'...just think its funny...

Best. Excuse. Ever.

What do you do when you're the coach of the North Korean soccer team and lose to the USA?  You come up with an iron clad excuse!  "Why did you lose?"  "Because my team was struck by lightning."  Well only 5 of them, but still...This is how you keep Kim Jong-Il from putting your face on a Wanted-Dead or Alive poster.  Because I gaurandamntee you, this guy was fixing to face a firing squad when he got back to North Korea...

What should you do when the TSA wants to check your adult diapers? Depends...

Hey Lena Reppert, rule number one at the airport is, if you're going to have "something hard" in your pants it better be a dick or your getting your Depends searched.  Thats just common sense, so don't come bitching to me about an extra 45 minute search.  C'mon lady..be a professional for once...

This chick donates breast milk...gets arrested...

What's going on in the world today when a woman isn't allowed to whip out a boob and donate it to the local police?  How does boob milk work anyway?  I always assumed it trickled out but now I'm thinking that must be under some high pressure.  I had no idea chicks could "spray" that stuff.  Just whoop it out, point and shoot.  That ought to be an olympic event.  And Stephanie Robinette is on track to win the Gold.  USA!!  USA!!

Want to say howdy to Tom Anderson of Myspace? Go to his Facebook page...

Apparently Myspace is shutting down June 30th.  Just when I was about to break the 10 friend barrier...damn...

Does this look like a chick that married a guy that's been dead for almost two years???

Karen Jumeaux, you diabolical bitch!  Poor Anthony Maillot found the ultimate way to get out of marrying you and you just fucked up his eternity.  Dude was probably up in Heaven macking American chicks who are just loving his french accent.  Bumping uglies on cloud nine.  Now he's just watching from the bleachers because of your selfish ass, Karen.  If he wanted to marry you for real, he would've been at the altar long before Jr. was born.  I hope this isn't a law here in the good ol' US of A!  And if it is I'm sure the man in the Oval Office has got more sense than President Sarkozy.  I know Bill Clinton would not have stood this debauchery...

OJ finally admits to killing Nicole in self defense...Wait! What?

So OJ is finally telling us what we already know.  Of course he is putting a little twist on it.  Killing his 98 lb ex out of fear for his own life.  He really needs to think this confession out a little more. He can't be re-tried for the murder.  So there's no fear of more prison time.  It stands to reason, the only reason to confess now is to get some street cred on Cellblock C's yard.  Well OJ you dumbass, you gots to come up with a better story if you wants some street cred!  You need to tell how Nicole and Ron along with a pack of Brentwood's baddest Motorcycle gang members attacked you.  How the motorcycle gang got away after you slashed up Nicole and Ron.  That's just some bullshit I came up with off the top of my head.  You've had plenty of time to concoct your bullshit.  Come on OJ, be a professional double murder confessioner for once...

Does this look like a guy who rented a whore for four days at $1000 bucks a day, then beat her with a baseball bat, then choked her to unconsciousness, then fucked her lifeless body, then watched her wake up and run to safety, then be found NOT GUILTY because he was sleepwalking???

Only in Canada!!!  I'm relatively certain this excuse wouldn't work in our justice system.  Might be worth a shot though.  Why don't one of you Useless Timewasters give it a try.  Start small though.  No sense in going "all in" on this experiment.  Maybe start off by letting your spouse walk in on you while your doing the "Cleveland Steamer" or the "Crippled crab with the modified boot" with the babysitter, poolboy, whomever.  Just keep driving on, acting like the spouse isn't even there.  Maintain a trancelike state when making eye contact.  If it works, then go ahead and rob a bank or something and let me know how that works out for you...

Couple arrested for having sex on the beach...not the drink...

Erica Huerta, you sexy vixen! You had me at “did intentionally masturbate,” exposed her genitals, engaged in oral sex, and was digitally penetrated.  Digitally penetrated?  What the Hell is that?  Not sure, but I think I'm in!  You just gotta love her mug shot!  Obviously, still enjoying that freshly fucked feeling.  And there's poor Steven Perry...luckiest unlucky sonofabitch on the beach if you ask me.  After reading... "In fact, investigators noted, Huerta was fondled by Perry “for more than 30 minutes.” Perry, the affidavits note, “attempted to having sex with Huerta several times,” doing this in the “missionary position.” Additionally, “Perry then put a shirt over his head and began to give Huerta oral sex.” you gotta believe there were some "technical difficulties" going on there.  So here this guy is getting arrested for having sex on the beach, yet couldn't get it up and had to post a $10,000 bond.  Sucks to be you...or does it???

Does this look like the 16 year old chick who married the 51 year old asshole guard from "The Green Mile" who didn't wet the sponge and fried the convicts head???

For about a split second I was going to jump on the "He's a pedophile" bandwagon and then common sense took over.  Don't hate the playa, hate the game!  Right?  This chick is 16 going on 25!  Don't tell me you guys didn't linger a few extra seconds checking her pics before reading this.  Anyways, what happens when the justice system declares a 16 year old an adult and sends him to adult prison for his crimes.  I'll tell ya what happens...he gets treated like every other adult in there, by the inmates and the guards.  Same concept here folks.  Her parents declared her adult enough to marry, so don't hate this guy for the honeymoon banging she's getting right now.  On another note, why is she gold digging this old dude?  He aint that rich is he?  Got the connections she needs to launch her singing career?  Certainly she could've beat out Selena Gomez for "The Biebs" affections...

How to die...

Now this is a lesson in how to die.  Not only did he go out a hero but he willed $165,000 to 32 friends to fly over the pond and party in Las Vegas to celebrate his death.  Best. Friend. Ever.  If my math is correct and they split it evenly, they all come away spending a little over $5100 (minus air fare and hotel).  If I gave away $165,000, my friends would have a bigger prostitute/alcohol/gambling budget.  After all, I've only got about two friends.  God Bless you Royal Marine David Hart...  

AAACK!!! Get it off me!!!

Story and more tumor pics here...

Guy forces a dude to blow him, then fuck him, then blow him again, then shooots the dude in the leg...twice...

Police have got to start securing the gay community a little bit better.  When I was a 19 year old and some guy forced another guy to blow him, fuck him and blow him "to completion" you didn't shoot the dude in the leg once, much less twice!  Just total disrespect!  A simple thank-you goes a long way.  For shame Anton Malone...for shame...

Heckler at Anthony Weiner's press conference...

This is pure gold! From "bye-bye pervert" to " Are you more than seven inches?" to "Senator Weiner, were you fully erect?" This heckler could not be stopped. Just heckling the hell out of this weiner...fun times had by all...

A "How To" guide to wart removal...

When you have a wart and can't afford to go to the dermatologist, follow this guys lead.  Get out your .12 Gauge shotgun.  Aim at wart.  Fire.  No need to look for finger...  Story here...

How to sell a wiener...

Best. Rioter. Ever.

Now, I have never understood the concept of rioting after a championship game in any sport.  I've seen 'em riot for losing.  I've seen 'em riot for winning.  But one thing is for sure, this couple has got the "losing" type of rioting down to an art.  If Vancouver plays for Lord Stanley's Cup again next year, I'm there and hoping they lose again!  I gots to gets my riot game on if this is how its done!!!

Instant Kharma...

Useless piece of garbage starts to rape a 77 year old woman.  Then rolls over and dies.  Gives new meaning to "Happy Ending"....

A sweet little bedtime story as narrated by Samuel L. Jackson...

Hitler Finds Out Lebron James, The Miami Heat Choked In The 2011 NBA Finals...

Ex-wife sets up fake Facebook account to trap ex-husband...gets outsmarted...

Move over Albert Einstein.  There's a new genius in town and his name is David Voelkert.  This guy came up with a perfect plan.  Evil genius!  Think about it.  If it is really his wife, he has an affidavit covering his ass to get him out of jail.  "I have a notarized sheet of paper saying I had no intention of harming her."  If some high school nut job busts a cap in her ass, he's got an affidavit covering his ass to get him out of jail.  "I have a notarized sheet of paper saying I had no intention of harming her."  Win and Win!  Today, you lose Angela "Jessica Studebaker" Voelkert.  Sometimes your pigeon, sometimes your the statue and I'm thinking there's a statue of Angela in South Bend that has been shat upon...

Typical blonde moment...

Typical blonde moment...

STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS LADIES!!!!

You don't have to wait for August 21st as far as I'm concerned.  Free those sweater puppies!!!

Her Vagina Aint Handicapped

Yesterday I thought I brought you THE summer jam with "I Got Pregnannnnt". I may have been mistaken. This chick definately got swag and her vagina aint handicapped! This has summer jam written all over it!!!

Guy plays Russian Roulette with dog and himself. Who ya got?

Dog - 1.... Dumbass moonshine drinkin' hill rat - 0.  This is what we call justice.  You want to be a dumbass and play russian roulette?  Fine, but don't bring Fido into it!  I'm thinking that his wife must've known which chamber the round was in.  Obviously she knew how many times he pulled the trigger at the dog.  She probably encouraged him to use that last shot on himself.  Now she and Fido get all the moonshine and none of the dumbass...

One armed bandit wanted for single handedly robbing bank...

A well armed man walks into a bank and demands cash...actually this guy wasn't armed...literally or figuratively.  Just walks in asks for the cash.  And gets it!  I think you better leave this sinister bastard alone.  No telling how a guy with balls that huge lost his arm!  I for one don't want any of his one-armed wrath.  Sometimes the cat wins.  Sometimes the rat wins.  Let this rat have his cheese...

Blah blah blah blah slow motion Carlton Draught ad

Not hilarious, yet still pretty amusing...

I got pregnannnnt! Whaaa?

When you're listening to this on the radio all summer long, just remember who brought it to you first. That's right, I am your trusted servant. Ensuring that you all stay up-to-date on pop culture. Listen and enjoy...and don't forget to name your next son, Cilantro...

This Villanova MBA Grad really needs a date with a "cat person"...

Thank God I'm not in the dating game! This is what's out there in the world of on-line dating? She is, no doubt, going to be the "crazy cat lady" at the end of the block you always hear about. It's inevitable. Good luck Debbie...

Woman tattoos 152 Facebook friends on her arm...

Now this is what is what I call dedication.  Dedicated to being a dumbass, but still, dedication nonetheless.  With that being said, maybe I shouldn't cast stones.  Afterall I don't have any tattoos and I'm relatively sure that about 90% of my Facebook friends have my profile pic tattooed on themselves somewhere.  That's why I don't change the profile pic very often.  Just pissin' people off.  Always having to go have the tat updated.  I just don't need to upset my Facebook friends like that. They would probably want me to help pay for the updates and we all know bloggers rate right up there on the pay scale with that smelly, fake cast wearing, cardboard sign holding bum at the busy intersections... 

The Alamo Drafthouse makes a PSA out of a voicemail of an unsatisfied "customer"...

This just makes me wish even more that we had an Alamo Drafthouse here in San Angelo! God bless you Alamo Drafthouse...

Drunk driver ADMITS to crashing his car into an apartment building. Police can't arrest him because there were no witnesses...Wait...What???

Now that's some justice system they have up there in Seattle!  Tell the cops your drunk and just crashed your car into an aprtment building?  As long as there ain't no witnesses, no prob!  Go home.  Sleep it off!  I wonder how high up on the crime scale that rule goes? Tell the cops you just knocked over a convenience store so you could have some beer money for the weekend?  What?  No witnesses?  Just move along folks.  Nothing to see here.  Not sure I would confess to a murder or kidnapping though.  They might have a mandatory 24 hour hold before they had to let you go...

Note: there's some awesome drunk video confession on the link...

"Head"stone falls on woman's leg while engaged in "extracurricular activities" in cemetery...

Wow!  Where to begin?  Now that's what I call having fun in the "BONEyard".  It's all fun and games until you have to "ERECT" a new headstone.   Ok, I used "HEAD"stone in the title.  Good thing the cemetery isn't pressing charges...There could have been some "STIFF" penalties.

Russian buries himself alive with predictable results...

Now y'all know I'm not one to poke fun at death.  Just don't need that kind of Karma!  But these crazy freaking russians just never cease to amaze me.  For a little good luck I've tried rabbits feet, wishbones and shit like that, but I've never heard of these wild and wacky russian techniques.  Just bury yourself alive overnight!  Yeah, I would say if I survived that I would be the luckiest sonofabitch alive!  If he had only known the rest of his life was going to be overnight, maybe he would've just tried rubbing his lucky rabbits foot from the warmth of his bed, watching some late night cinemax...

A lesson in "How to get your money's worth"...

Denny's had a 24 hour All-You-Can-Eat Pancake promotion.  7 teenagers went in and ate pancakes for the entire 24 hours.  They ate 301 pancakes, 43 per person, averaging over 14,000 calories and all for 5 bucks each!  Yikes!!!  I think I just gained five pounds blogging about it...

Crazy Glue Fun!!!

Riddle me this Useless Timewasters...
Q: What happens when you crazy glue someone's electronic gadgets into sockets?
A: You get "stuck" in jail...

Story here.

What weighs 99 lbs. and has dozens of heads???

In the words of Samuel L. Jackson "These motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking train" Ok it was a plane in the movie, but this is reality...what's up with trying to smuggle dozens of cobras in see-through bags?  It never occured to this smuggler to put them in bamboo baskets like most snake charmers do?  C'mon snake smuggler, be a professional for once...

What a "shocker"...

Alright Dana Cobb, nice try.  You had a nice run.  Twelve years!  Now don't go giving us this bullshit sob story about not knowing what the "shocker" is.  And you did this in honor of your two daughters.  It's obvious.  Anyone with a porn actress name automatically knows the shocker.  You know it.  I know it. And all the Totally Useless Timewasters know it.  ♫♪ Two in the pink, one in the stink.  That's called the shocker.  You can do it in the bathroom or do it in your car or do it in the alley right behind the bar.♫♪  (Awesome Steel Panther song)...

Exorcism class...yeah, I'm there...

So, there's going to be an Exorcism class in San Angelo on June 20. I don't think I could come up with a more fun way to spend a Monday evening. I wonder if it will consist of some class participation? If so, I'm totally volunteering to be the Exorcist and not the Exorcised. I've tried that spinning the head around trick and the shoving of the cross up places it shouldn't go while screaming "You're mother eats kitty litter!" at whomever may be in the room. It's painful! Don't want to have to go through that again. They should think about having this class every Monday night until the NFL gets their shit together and we have Monday Night Football again...

The next time your luggage doesn't arrive at the airport on time, you'll probably be thinking of this video...

deer vs motorcycle

Now this is how you run over a deer! Anybody can climb into a Ford F-150, cruise down the backroads and take out Bambi! This takes dedication...

Does this look like the face of a guy who gradually flashed his junk to a chick at the drive thru window because they were out of chicken legs?

So this chick watches as the aptly named Jason Gross, "gradually" exposed himself to her!  It didn't come to mind that you could look away or walk away?  Rule number one at Bojangles chicken restaurant should be "Make sure we have chicken".  Just sayin'.  If you ain't got chicken legs, what do you expect the Jason Gross's of this world to do?  Of course your gonna get his chicken dick flashed at you.  Its up to you whether or not you want to check it out.  Shame on you Jaqueline Green!  You intentionally screwed this guy twice and not in the happy, fun way.  Fucked him out of his drumstick and then called the law on him!?!  FREE JASON GROSS!!  FREE JASON GROSS!!!

Kid for sale on Ebay...

Now what kind of person tries to sell you a two year old girl on Ebay?  Hell, they aint big enough to open the fridge and get you a beer off the top shelf until they are at least 6 or 7, right?  Just a serious waste of everyone's time that happened to be on Ebay looking to buy a beer grabbing, channel changing, shirt ironing, floor vacuuming, furniture dusting, grass mowing little slave kid. Now, this chick is going to have to pay all of the Ebay fees for a  product she couldn't even sell.  Hope she didn't set a reserve price and add extra photos...

Vice President of Ukraine chokeslams some other politician in Parliament...

Why don't the execs at C-SPAN get our politicians to do this kind of shit? Personally, I don't know of one person that even watches C-SPAN and this is the type of stuff that could change that. I'm thinking the Ukraininan C-SPAN's ratings are through the roof. You want the federal deficit paid off? Have Joe Biden or John Boehner chokeslam someone at least once a week. Put it on pay-per-view as a warm up to Ultimate Fighting for a couple of years. BOOM...no more deficit...you're welcome America

Yikes!!!

Camera cut off too quick...I wanted to see what guy at the end of the boat was going to do with that rod and reel...

Guy beats himself up, tells wife he was mugged of Oprah tickets so she wouldn't know that he never had them...felony charges pending...

How sad is this story?  This dud dude is so scared of his wife that he mugs himself and tells her that some thugs got away with their Oprah tickets.  I wish they would have showed a picture of her too in this article.  I'm picturing a female Russian Olympic weight lifter.  What a pathetic life this poor bastard must live.  I'm filing a motion to revoke his Man Card...All in favor?

p.s. after reading this, I couldn't help but think of Jim Carrey beating the hell out of himself in the courthouse bathroom...

http://youtu.be/OAqBitV574c

Yikes!!!

Holy Shit!!! This is exactly why I'm a blogger and not an X Games athlete. If that were me with my leg flopping around like a wet noodle, I would cry myself to sleep and die. Not lay there all cool like Terrell. Just relaxing on the ground, thinking about what's for supper tonight or "did I remember to turn off the coffee pot this morning." When my buddies would be picking me up, they would be putting me in a hearse. Not a van like these guys. I get a feeling they may have gone to a lunch buffet or something before going to the Emergency Room. Get well soon Terrell...

One Helluva Marriage Proposal ...

For all you romantics out there, because I get the feeling thats my main demographic. This is one bad ass proposal. Don't know if this guy is wealthy or just connected but it was well done. I guarantee you this chick was doing unspeakable things to him in the bedroom after the movie was over...

Damn! For some reason I feel like going to wally wally wally wally wally wally world!

No need to thank thank me Useless Time Wasters. You count on me to bring you the next big thing and I deliver. It's just what I do. I got you all doing the Dougie. Now you will all be humming to yourselves about making the Louisiana Purchase and wally wally wally wally wally wally world will be stuck in your head for at least the next 24 hours...

"Teach Me How To Dougie" singer dead...Somewhere Kate Upton weeps...

Here's the link that I posted last month of Kate Upton video doing the Dougie.  I highly recommend watching it once more in M Bone's honor...

Man Licking Shoes on New York Subway

Now that's not exactly how I spit shine my shoes but to each his own. I thought it was common knowledge that you lick from back to front. This guy appears to lick them from front to back. With that being said, they do have a helluva shine when he's done. Maybe he is the master and I am the student. Thank you crazy-subway-shoe-licking-guy.

p.s. How about the guy in the green jacket. Doesn't bat an eye. Probably sees this kind of stuff on the subway every day...

9 year old gets pulled over for driving drunk...then let go because he was too young...

So, if I understand British law correctly, kids can pretty much get away with anything.  Thats freakin' awesome.  Want a new car?  Grab yourself a cold beer and your neighbors keys and go for a spin.  Want a candy bar and a Coke?  Take your nine year old ass down to the corner convenience store.  Grab one.  Flip off the cashier as you walk by eating your Snickers bar and walk out the door.  Diplomatic immunity baby!!!  Or I guess in this kids case he could've walked out with a Snickers and a pint. Kids in the U.K. got it made.  I wonder how many of them are in on the secret.  I hope for their sakes they read this blog.  There's so much fun to be had and so little time.  Adulthood gets here quicker than you think...

8th Grade girl gets in trouble after reporting two other students had sex on the school bus...

If I learned one thing while I was in prison, it's that "snitches get stitches".  That was the code.  You lived by it or you payed the consequences, BAM!  This snot nosed little shit got caught breaking the code.  Serves her right not being able to go to the 8th grade prom or class picnic if you ask me.  Hell, we all know what proms were made for anyways, right?  So, boys and girls can get in a little round of bedroom golf.  Now granted, I've never heard of an 8th grade prom before, but obviously at her school, the kids enjoy having coital relations.  And this little prude wasn't going to the prom for that, so its win-win, right?  On another note: way to go WHIOTV.  Classy move putting that chicks mother's name in the article.  Now everyone will know who the snitch was...Dumbasses...

Trailer for "Here Cums the President - The Greatest Porn in US History" (SFW)

With school coming to end pretty quick, I thought it was my duty to present you students out there with this little bit of history. Hopefully you'll watch this and pass your History class with me to thank. I'm here you people...you're welcome...

"Compulsion Orgasmic"...

Now I'm sure this is no laughing matter here.  Had to take some big balls to stand up in court and admit to fingerblasting yourself 47 times a day.  Most of them at work while the rest of your co-workers are actually earning their paychecks.  But thats neither here nor there.  The fact is, this chick is taking 15 minutes to get herself off.  I'm thinking if she does this 47 times a day, she would've figured out how to get to the "O" face a hell of a lot quicker!  I think someone's stealing time from the company.  Yeah, the judge found in her favor.  Sure, but I'm thinking its a male judge and he's probably doing the same thing behind the bench, under the robe, fantasizing about Ana Catarina Bezerra Silvares.  I wonder if I went to court, if the judge would permit me to work on my fantasy football team for 15 minutes every two hours...

Batman Beatdown on the Vegas Strip (Original)

This has been making its way around the interweb for the last couple of days. Blogger has been down so I apologize for not getting this out sooner. Anywhoo, this is why Batman is low on my list of "superheroes". Dude can't fly, doesn't have super strength, not faster than a speeding ... anything. The guy just has badass toys. And he didn't even use any on this villian. Just shoves a guy and gets bodyslammed...disgusting...

The Commodores making a comeback!!!

Ready for the Commodores to make their big comeback?  Needing you a Lionel Ritchie fix?  Too bad...not those Commodores...

Florida chick chases down kids at school bus stop to flash her fun bags...

So, whats going on with 10 year old boys in Pompano Beach?  Rule #1...when Maribel Gomez pulls her shirt up to flash you her chimichongas, you run TO her.  You ask her if she's ready.  You don't run AWAY while she's asking you.  You, ten year old sir, are a failure.  I hope you were running towards your mother or sister.  Because if you went crying to your dad or older brother, methinks thou wouldst have had thy ass whooped...

8000 calorie "Instant Heart Attack" sandwich... Um, yes please...

The 8000 calorie "Instant Heart Attack" sandwich!!!  Need I say more?

Atheist offers to take care of your pets in case of Rapture...brilliant

Why is it that everybody else comes up with great ideas while I sit here with my laptop on my lap top blogging about it.  Rapture pet care...This is brilliant.  Is it a scam?  Is it legit?  Who's to say.  I wonder if Bart Centre would mind if I started doing that in this neck of the woods?  If you think the Rapture will be here in the next ten years and you love your pet, then what's $135?  Plus $20 for each additional pet.  Assuming Bart don't mind, y'all go ahead and send me a check.  I'll find someone who has no chance of being raptured, because we all know I'll probably be the first to go...

I don't know how I could be so turned on and frightened at the same time!!!

Shame on you Useless Time Wasters! How is it that there has been a video of a chick in a thong crushing watermelons with her thighs that has been on the interweb for over a year and no one told me about it?

Hilary Clinton too sexy for Hasidic newspaper...

This Brooklyn based Hasidic newspaper deleted the women out of what will become an important piece of history.  I'm guessing Hilary is flattered.  She's just hanging out.  Being all sexy.  Watching SEAL Team 6 busting caps in Bin Ladens ass.  Can't say I blame the Hassids.  They know sex when they see it.  They've been editing sex pots like Hilary out of Situation Room photos in newspapers since the 18th century...